Why we shouldn’t be asking women when they’re having children…

Questions about when someone is going to have children can sound casual, but they can land heavily. We do not know what a person is navigating privately: infertility, pregnancy loss, health concerns, a relationship change, or simply a different choice for their life.

Women in public life are often asked about marriage and children in a way that men are not. The same assumptions can follow people in ordinary conversations too, even when the question comes from a kind place.

There is no need to ask for an explanation. If someone wants to share something about their family or future, they can do so in their own time. We can make more room for people by asking about them, rather than about what we think their life should look like.

A little curiosity and care can make conversations feel safer. Let people tell their stories when they are ready.